Comic 23 : The Hobbit Movie : Eighty Percent CGI Elves


babysitter

 

What a silly thing I have made.

 

 

HEY GUYS GUESS WHICH MINOR CHARACTER WILL TRAGICALLY DIE IN THE FINAL CLIMACTIC BATTLE

If the first Hobbit movie was ridiculously unfaithful to the book, wait until you see the second one.

Look! Will Turner is suddenly King of Dale! Aw, and Thranduil is offering his help to the Dwarves instead of locking them up in the dungeons for being stubborn and menacing. How sweet. Maybe he’ll offer them lollipops and helium balloons on their way out.

Argh. I realize this may seem a bit harsh on the movies, but frankly, I’m sick of disloyal film adaptations. It doesn’t actually seem that bad overall; what really bugs me is the gratuitous side-villain with the stupid spiky arm that was supposed to have died decades ago, and whatshername, the ginger stick-in-the-mud. Absolutely pointless extra characters who only make things seem overly dramatic. Grr.

Possibly what bothers me the most about miss scowly-face is that she is an Elf. More specifically, she is an Elf who is the romantic interest.

Think about it. If Elves went around having descendants all over the place like Humans do, the entire planet would be overpopulated with elves because  they are immortal. So I figured that, to reduce the chances of overpopulation, they would have a much weaker sex drive than Humans do, and only like a quarter would ever fall in love at all, much less have children. That the romantic interest in the film should be an Elf would simply be statistically improbable. Of course, this is just my theory, but it is still science, and it bothers me that science is being contradicted here. Even if it’s just hypothetical science.

There. My frustrations have been vented.

-Sheikah

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About Sheikah

Drawing stuff yeah

Posted on October 4, 2013, in Comics, Random Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. I’ve not seen the movie nor the trailers, but from your description it sounds like it’s just as awful as I expected it would be. Stretching The Hobbit into not one, not two, but three “epic” length movies? That fact alone signaled its doom to me.

    You know, Lucas made a trilogy that became a classic and then he churned out some other crap after that. It’s looking like Jackson’s doing the same.

    • My thoughts exactly. Someone should start something like what Aaron Diaz of the webcomic Dresden Codak is doing; it’s this thing called Star Wars 1999, where he re-imagines the prequels taking into account only the stuff that was written before 1999. It’s showing promise so far.
      http://starwars1999.tumblr.com/

  2. I’m enjoying the films enough, although I absolutely agree that the Elves have been shoehorned into the spotlight to be eye-candy – but that’s how the film industry goes I guess, they know there’s a massive fanbase of LOTR-movie fans who may not have seen these ones if they didn’t have recognisable LOTR characters in them. Having said that – this comic wins 😀

    • Thank you kindly! I do agree that they seem to be ham-fistedly shoving as many references to LotR as they can — Weathertop, Legolas… the whole thing seems a bit over the top. Ah well, Martin Freeman is still talented 😛

  3. Who, what?! Who’s Will… oh. Well, that is lame. Please don’t retcon Legolas, please don’t retcon Legolas…
    And Martin Freeman is AMAZING. How is it possible for anyone to be that incredible, I ask you. *is in a surprisingly calm existential crisis*

  4. Ay ay ay ay ay! The only people of Middle Earth who should have any ginger members are the Rohirrim, if I remember correctly!!!!! The men of Gondor shouldn’t even have BLONDES! And most elves are supposed to be dark-haired, according to “The Silmarillion.” Yikes! I’m not even sure if Legolas should have fair hair!!!! And if I’m not mistaken, the Riders of Rohan do not figure into the Hobbit!!! >:-/

    • Technically, Legolas should have silver hair, if I recall correctly. But I don’t think all members of a species who are said to usually be of a certain hair colour should be of that hair colour. Take, say, Swedes, who are generally considered “blond” but who are not all, without exception, blond. Or Malaysians, who are all supposedly “black-haired” but quite a few of whom have brown hair.

      • And there are people who think Legolas is the “heir to the thone”. That’s frankly just weird. Since Elves live so long, I don’t think that even Thranduil’s eldest is likely to ever inherit the throne, unless Thranduil dies in a battle (which does not happen in The Hobbit, spoilerz!) And I don’t think Legolas is even Thranduil’s eldest. In fact, he just seems more like a middle or youngest child… 😛
        I don’t know. It’s just that… well, one doesn’t think of any Numenorean as ginger. 😛 OR elf, for that matter. 😛 It’s just hard to envision it. 😛
        That, and someone identifies one half-elf as such by the fact that they do have red highlights in an ongoing story I’m working on…

        • Isn’t Legolas Thranduil’s only child? I don’t remember seeing any family trees for Thingol’s line, but it doesn’t seem like Thranduil had any other kids.

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